Single Mothers and Deadbeat Dads

One thing that I really hate is when a father leaves a mother to raise their kids on her own. In my opinion a deadbeat father is one of the worst labels that a man can be given. Nowadays, it seems as if being a single mother is becoming normal, because so many women are in this situation. Now let me be clear, there are some parents that break up simply because there are no solutions for the problems that they are experiencing, but the father still takes care of his kids; those are not the single mothers I am talking about right now.

The single mothers that are forced to raise a child on their own, while the father is not in his kids lives, and is not helping financially, those are the ones that I am discussing in this article. “The 1960 United States Census reported that 9% of children were dependent on a single parent, a number that has increased to 28% by the that the 2000 US Census was released.” I know plenty of single mothers that are constantly struggling to provide for their kids, because the father of her kids wasn’t man enough to handle his responsibilities. There is no way to fully prevent fathers from walking out on their kids, but there are certain preventive measures that you can take to lessen the chances of this happening, and I will discuss those shortly.

Let me make this clear, financially supporting your kids does not make you a good father, you must be in their lives, physically, because every child needs and deserves to have their father in their lives. My father never ran out on his family even during the tough times, and that showed me that a real man will make things work for the sake of keeping his family together, and he will always be in his kids lives even if him and their mother splits up. One thing that puzzles me is how we have laws to force deadbeat fathers to financially support their kids, but there is no law to force them to spend time with them. There should be a law like this, one that makes sure that they spend a certain amount of time with their kids, or face a fine and jail time. That may seem harsh, but it is no worse than him leaving a mother to struggle, and leaving her kids fatherless.

What can women do to minimize the risk of having a child by a deadbeat?

• The obvious thing to do is use birth control and make any man that is not your husband wear a condom. 
• If you believe in marriage, ask yourself, is the person that you are having sex with worth marrying, if the answer is no then he is not worth having a child with. 
• If he has kids, see if he takes care of them, if he isn't being a good father to his kids, don't risk assuming that he will be a good father to yours if you choose to have one with him. 
• If he is in and out of jail, unemployed and not trying to find a job, if he is a cheater or abusive to you in any way, DO NOT HAVE A BABY BY HIM. 

If you plan on getting pregnant by him so that he won't leave you, or to get him to change his ways, DON'T DO IT. If he want to leave you then he doesn't deserve you, and you can't change a man, a man will only change when he really want to.

Those are a few of my suggestions. What ever you do, please make sure that he is a good man, and make sure that you are having a child for the right reasons. Men can be unpredictable, so it is best that you get a degree, or start a good career so that you will be financially stable if he does decide to leave you and your kids. I believe that a child needs a father and a mother in his/her life, but if the father isn't around having a positive male role model in his/her life can also be beneficial. A positive male role model can be his/her brother, uncle, grandpa, or even your boyfriend/husband. If you are a single mother you have to be strong, even during the tough times keep a smile on your face. And do not stress over that deadbeat, because karma will catch up to him.

The impact of raising a child to be religious

Should children be forced/manipulated into following a certain religion? To answer this question I will focus on Christianity, which is a religion that I was a part of, but my opinion can be applied to any child that follows any religion. If you ask most religious people when did they choose to become religious, they will tell you that they don't remember. Most kids never have the freedom to choose what they want to believe in, because their parents force their beliefs on them at a young age. Think about it; parents start taking their kids to church at a young age, they start buying them toys for Christmas, and in the midst of that they tell them that Christmas is the day that they celebrate the birth of Christ. A lot of children have these beliefs forced on them without even fully understanding them. Is that fair to them?

We need to teach our children to be thinkers, and not followers. We need to teach our children to do research, instead of believing in something that they do not fully understand. I believe that parents should sit down with their children, and explain everything to them about each major religion. Then they should go online with them, and allow them to research different subjects that pertains to to those religion. They should also let them analyze the beliefs of civilizations such as the Hopi Indians, Maya, and the Sumerians. Once they have enough knowledge about these things, then parents should ask them what do they want to believe in. It should not matter what they chose to believe in, as a parent you should support them, and respect their beliefs even if they differ from yours.

Believe it or not, teaching your children to research subjects such as religion, and to form their own opinions will benefit them in a lot of different ways. Look at the people in the world today, so many of them have no clue about all of the negative things going on in the world, they have no idea of how corrupt the government really is, they have no clue that we could change the country and the world by getting rid of the monetary system, and replacing it with something like a resource based economy. The reason that they don't see the world for what it really is, is due to the fact that a lot of them were raised to be content with the way that things are, and to believe what the majority of people believe, instead of forming their own opinion. That is why I stated that the method that I suggested that would give children the freedom to choose what they want to believe in can be the same method that they can apply to everyday life as they get older. Don't believe something just because others believe it, always ask questions, always do your own research, and always form your own opinions based on what you believe is true.

Is This Love?

Vivacious, captivating, endearing, enchanting, and- graceful are all words that describe you.                              

I am attracted to you, yes this is true.

But this is deeper than me being attracted physically.           

I am talking about mentally and spiritually.

But I will go further, because I don’t think that you are hearing me.

I never knew that perfection could exist.

But in my eyes you are perfect, perfection you are it.                                                                                                 If there is a god you are one of his angels.

You came into my life and took my mind off of my- broken heart that was left mangled, strangled, and tangled.

A day without you in my life feels like an eternity.

The pain of missing you hurts externally and internally.

When I am with you, nothing else in the world matters.

Our time together consist of laughter.

Love making and deep conversations.

We discuss topics and theories that have us debating.

At that moment our souls are in tuned with one another- and our consciousness is elevated.

By now I think that you are hearing me clearly.

You are realizing that you are dear to me.

When we are apart I want you near me.

Clearly you are hearing me and feel that I want you here with me.

How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

"Most people think of love as a feeling," says David Richo, "but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present." In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life: 1. Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships. 2. Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are. 3. Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament. 4. Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways. 5. Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control. When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts—what Richo calls the five A's—form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation. To purchase this book, please click the link below.