WANTS VS NEEDS

I often hear women say that there are no more good men in the world. When I hear that I instantly feel the urge to correct them. There are a lot of good men in this world, the reason that a lot of of women can’t find a good man is because they let their wants over power the things that they need in a man. This can easily lead to a woman giving her heart to the wrong man. The outcome is usually her thinking that all men are the same due to her poor choice in men.

These type of women think that they NEED a man that looks perfect, has a lot of materialistic things, or one that’s popular and makes plenty of money. All of those things are not needs, those are wants, and a great deal of women tend to confuse those two things.The only things that a woman “needs” from a man is for him to treat her like a queen, love her with all of his heart, have goals to become successful. He should be faithful and respectful, and he should always do what he can to keep her satisfied. Those things that I just listed are the only things that a woman  really needs from a man, but when you let the things that you want in a man overpower the things that you need in a man you tend to end up with a man that will only be in your life temporarily. 

I am not saying that you shouldn't look for a man that possesses some of the things that you want in a man, what I am saying is that you should put your needs first and realize that even if he don’t have the things you want in a man you could still build a strong relationship off of him being able to fulfill your needs. When you go for what you need in a relationship you will start to attract good men, and realize that you were wrong when you assumed that good men didn't exist anymore, and you will see that you were just looking for the wrong things, which lead to you finding the wrong type of men.

Single Mothers and Deadbeat Dads

One thing that I really hate is when a father leaves a mother to raise their kids on her own. In my opinion a deadbeat father is one of the worst labels that a man can be given. Nowadays, it seems as if being a single mother is becoming normal, because so many women are in this situation. Now let me be clear, there are some parents that break up simply because there are no solutions for the problems that they are experiencing, but the father still takes care of his kids; those are not the single mothers I am talking about right now.

The single mothers that are forced to raise a child on their own, while the father is not in his kids lives, and is not helping financially, those are the ones that I am discussing in this article. “The 1960 United States Census reported that 9% of children were dependent on a single parent, a number that has increased to 28% by the that the 2000 US Census was released.” I know plenty of single mothers that are constantly struggling to provide for their kids, because the father of her kids wasn’t man enough to handle his responsibilities. There is no way to fully prevent fathers from walking out on their kids, but there are certain preventive measures that you can take to lessen the chances of this happening, and I will discuss those shortly.

Let me make this clear, financially supporting your kids does not make you a good father, you must be in their lives, physically, because every child needs and deserves to have their father in their lives. My father never ran out on his family even during the tough times, and that showed me that a real man will make things work for the sake of keeping his family together, and he will always be in his kids lives even if him and their mother splits up. One thing that puzzles me is how we have laws to force deadbeat fathers to financially support their kids, but there is no law to force them to spend time with them. There should be a law like this, one that makes sure that they spend a certain amount of time with their kids, or face a fine and jail time. That may seem harsh, but it is no worse than him leaving a mother to struggle, and leaving her kids fatherless.

What can women do to minimize the risk of having a child by a deadbeat?

• The obvious thing to do is use birth control and make any man that is not your husband wear a condom. 
• If you believe in marriage, ask yourself, is the person that you are having sex with worth marrying, if the answer is no then he is not worth having a child with. 
• If he has kids, see if he takes care of them, if he isn't being a good father to his kids, don't risk assuming that he will be a good father to yours if you choose to have one with him. 
• If he is in and out of jail, unemployed and not trying to find a job, if he is a cheater or abusive to you in any way, DO NOT HAVE A BABY BY HIM. 

If you plan on getting pregnant by him so that he won't leave you, or to get him to change his ways, DON'T DO IT. If he want to leave you then he doesn't deserve you, and you can't change a man, a man will only change when he really want to.

Those are a few of my suggestions. What ever you do, please make sure that he is a good man, and make sure that you are having a child for the right reasons. Men can be unpredictable, so it is best that you get a degree, or start a good career so that you will be financially stable if he does decide to leave you and your kids. I believe that a child needs a father and a mother in his/her life, but if the father isn't around having a positive male role model in his/her life can also be beneficial. A positive male role model can be his/her brother, uncle, grandpa, or even your boyfriend/husband. If you are a single mother you have to be strong, even during the tough times keep a smile on your face. And do not stress over that deadbeat, because karma will catch up to him.